The different kinds of depression and my experiences with them

For those who are unfamiliar with depression, there are actually 2 main kinds of depression: major depressive disorder and dysthymia.

Brief explanation:

Dysthymia: dysthymia would be considered the "lesser" of these two forms of depression. The feelings of depression are not quite as strong, but they last much longer--often 20-30 years.

Major Depressive Disorder: This is a much stronger form of depression, but it usually lasts over a period of months instead of several years. However, those with dysthymia may also get bouts of major depressive disorder.

I was diagnosed with dysthymia when I was 19 and in my second year of college. Yay for me. I felt like the biggest loser at the time because in my perspective it meant something was "wrong" with me. I'm glad I'm way beyond that phase now. I signed up for a counselor, who was awesome, and was able to help me overcome some issues, like assertiveness, which in turned helped boost my self-esteem immensely. After about 6 months of therapy my counselor and I decided that I was at a good place and didn't really need counseling any more. What a great feeling that was! I wasn't perfectly happy all of the time of course, but I was emotionally in a pretty good place.

Enter mission. Holy Hannah. Enter major pressures from everywhere and everyone, plus my already existing dysthymia, incredibly hard work, a mission experience quite different that I had imagined and I had just the right recipe for a pretty bad major depressive episode. Woooooah mama. Enter anti-depressants that were not right for me. Rollercoaster plummet. Hoooo-wee. I consider that the darkest time of my life. There was no one to blame for it. It's what happened, I can't change that, but I can recognize it for what it was: depression. What it was not: anyone's fault. And you know what, as horrible and dark as that time of my life was, I have grown and learned from it. And I am doing soooo much better. I wouldn't wish the experience I had on anyone, but I'm grateful that Heavenly Father trusted me enough to give me such an immense trial, even if it did push me to my most outer limits.

It's been almost a year and a half since I've returned from my mission. When I got back, I got put on different medication that was better for me and I began my slow healing process. I can't believe how far I've come since then, with the help of more therapy from another awesome therapist, meds, and the support of some really incredible people. And above all, the Atonement. It's incredible that Christ knows exactly what I go through, and He knows how to help me and WILL help me as I put forth all the effort that I have as well.

I still struggle with dysthymia and I'm still on medication, although when I reach a relatively stress-free part of my life, I will try to take myself off of them. Everyone has their crosses to bear, and this is one of mine. And you know, maybe I'm completely crazy, but I'm actually incredibly grateful for it. Because it has made me so much more understanding and compassionate to others, matured me, refined me, and prepared me for future burdens I would have. It definitely prepared me for my current church calling as a Relief Society president in a single adult ward....turns out there are quite a lot of sisters that struggle with depression...and I can actually make some kind of positive impact in their lives.

I am so blessed.

My art project...finally

Okay, so here are the art pieces I made that I mentioned in an earlier post. Each piece is about a different mental disorder, and of a real person that has that disorder.

1) Depression.

This one is actually a self portrait. I took journal entries from my mission from times where I really struggled, laid them on the ground, and then dripped ink from the art piece, which then dripped onto the journal entries (like tears...get it...?) Mediums used: copied paper, ink, conte crayon, charcoal.

2) Eating Disorder

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From here on out I will not identify who the people are, in order to protect identities. This one is a pretty literal piece--I used nail polish (because it is a "beauty item") to write down thoughts that a person with an eating disorder might or do have. The papers scattered about the piece are the nutrition labels of various food items, with the calorie count circled. The scale on the top is real, and the "belt" of the shirt is measuring tape. Materials used: wood base, shirt, scale, nail polish, various mixed media.

3) Depression (again)

These are various images of the same piece. I wanted to depict how often those with depression show a happy exterior, but feel miserable underneath. To me, that doesn't necessarily mean that you're "faking" it, but simply that people often do not see what a person with depression is actually feeling.

I did a 4th piece on PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) as well. However, it's a pretty heavy piece, and I don't feel comfortable posting it in a public place as of now. Anyway...I would love to keep making more, but it will have to wait until I have more free time. Hope you enjoyed!