One of the hardest things about depression, is learning to accept yourself. Figuring out who you are and facing that isn't the most comfortable of things to do, unless you have uber high self-esteem, which many people with depression do NOT have.
So, let's talk about it.
Who are you? Well, let's start with the basics. You are a child of a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother who love you no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT. Ok, we've got that covered.
Next: you are human. That means you are subject to imperfections. But guess what, everyone you associate with is also human. That means they aren't perfect either. So stop feeling like you don't measure up to everyone else. We weren't all meant to be cookie cutters of the same perfect person either. You also don't see all of the weaknesses of seemingly flawless people, because you are not them. But we've all got them. And that's okay. The best part is, through Christ we can overcome those perfections. Some in this life, and some in the next. But eventually, through Christ's Atonement, our flaws will be ironed out and we will become perfected.
Most likely, if you are reading this, you suffer from mental illness. Well, guess what--me too! We're in this together. I'm really sorry that anyone would have mental illness. But here's the great news that you really need to get through to your brain: it's not your fault. In my case, it's my darn genetics' fault. I have a family tree full of depressed anxious ancestors who probably wondered what was wrong with themselves too. But there's nothing WRONG with you. You have a weakness, a trial, but there's nothing wrong with that. At all. Let me say it simply: there is nothing wrong with having depression, or any mental illness. Unless it was brought on by substance abuse, it is most likely not your fault. So, don't guilt yourself out if/when you feel crummy. It's actually a lot easier to deal with once you accept it and stop guilting yourself out for having it. Instead of thinking, "Why do I feel like this??? What is wrong with me???" think, "Whew, I don't feel good. I'm having another issue. Okay...let's just get through it." It takes the burden off quite a bit, trust me.
I remember as a missionary truly feeling like a failure. I was ashamed of who I was, the thoughts and feelings I had, and my self-perceptions as a worthless servant of God. In fact, when I look at mission pictures or talk with other missionaries I served with, a lot of those negative feelings resurface. I'm learning at a snail-like pace to accept who I was though. I'm feeling pretty alright with who I am now, but I still have a lot of issues with who I perceive I was. I'm trying to learn to correct that. It's really hard. Really really really really hard. Especially because most people don't understand why I feel this way. So, this journey of self-acceptance feels extremely lonely, which makes it harder. BUT it's not impossible. At least, I won't let myself believe that it's impossible. Hope is pretty much what keeps me going.
Anyway...I feel like I'm covering a lot of things... basically I think the whole gist of what I'm trying to get at is that it's okay to be YOU. It's okay that you have problems. We don't have to let those problems be what define us though. I would never solely define myself as "Depressed." Because that definitely is not what makes me act and it certainly doesn't entail my beliefs. Now, "Christian artist return missionary student secretary who likes to cake decorate and still enjoys popping bubble wrap" would be a much more appropriate definition. But not even that little blurb could really define me. Especially because I'm not done growing and developing...which each of us will do our whole lives.
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