However, for me that is not enough. I want to make a difference. I want to know that my little life has made an impact for good during my relatively short time here on earth. I want to know that there really is some kind of mission for me here during my life. And I know that I can't save the world or help everybody, but I just want to know that I have made a positive impact somewhere that would not have happened without me. I think that's another reason why I have this blog...I hope that it makes a difference to someone somewhere.
I think we make more of a positive impact than we realize. I don't think we'll really know all of the positive influences we have spread until after this life. I didn't realize that me doing even something as little as saying my prayers had any kind of effect on anyone until my younger sister told me that my example had led her to establish a habit of saying her prayers as well.
I love the movie "It's a Wonderful Life." I always wished I could have that experience that Jimmy Stewart did, to see what life would have been like had he never been born. Sometimes I'm scared though and wonder if nothing would have changed had I not existed. But that would be impossible. We have a huge impact on others.
I want to relate an experience with you, in which I felt I was told of the impact I had made, as well as the impact someone else had on me:
Before my mission, I worked as a cashier at the Creamery on Ninth. I was at the bottom of the totem pole--a 20-21-year old dealing with mostly freshman at a job that any high schooler could have easily done. But I loved my co-workers. There was one guy, Mike, that was particularly a light-shiner. He had been one of the stockers and recently had been promoted to be a supervisor. He was always laughing and happy, and always asked everyone, "Are you happy today?" You just couldn't help but smile when you were around Mike. At the time of this story, he had been married for about a month, was 22 (I think), and made working a boring job so much more tolerable, and even enjoyable.
One day, he happened to be supervising my shift, which only happened about once every 3 weeks. I was counting out my register drawer at the end of my shift when Mike said, "Angela, I just want to thank you for working here. With all the new people that are starting here, it's really nice to have someone that knows what they're doing." I was really flattered, and surprised. The compliment really meant a lot to me. It wasn't meant as a put-down to the newbies by any means, but was a sincere and out-of-the-blue compliment to my competence.
The next week, to the absolute shock of everyone, Mike was killed in a car accident. Just like that.
That was the first time in my life that I questioned God's motives. I could not understand why He would take away someone so good, so needed, so young...barely married... I found out the day after the accident, and had to go to work that night, where I greeted my coworkers whose red, swollen eyes matched mine. I remember at one point I had to leave the register and I disappeared into the milk refrigerator to "stock milk" and squatted down to the floor and just sobbed my eyes out. I felt a grief like I had never known.
That night when I got home, I begged God to help me understand why such a horrible thing would have to happen, but as I received no answers, I slowly changed my request, and instead of pleading for understanding, began to plead for peace. When I awoke the next morning--the day of the funeral--I felt such an amazing feeling of peace. I knew that even though I didn't understand the situation, I knew that everything was okay, that Mike was okay, and that God was in control. It was one of the strongest personal moments of the Atonement healing me that I have ever felt.
So many people were at the funeral. It was clear that Mike had left an impact on so many people...so many people that there were not enough seats for everyone.
I miss Mike still. But my experience with the whole situation, as undesirable as it was, taught me of the impact that we have on one another. He had made my life happier, and I guess I had made some kind of small impact in his. So, the point I'm trying to make is, even though you might not recognize it, you do make a positive difference, somehow, some way. You do have a mission to perform during your life. Keep up your fight. It is not in vain.
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