Low feelings of self worth seem to come right along with depression, like an undesired parasitical twin to an already gruesome monster. For months I asked myself, "What gives me worth?" I knew I had lots of talents, that plenty of people cared about me, that I had probably even made some kind of small difference in the life of someone else. And yet, I still felt worthless. I felt no purpose in life. I felt like God, with all of His billions of other wonderful children and countless tasks more important than bothering about me, surely could have no reason to care about me. I saw nothing that mattered about myself.
I struggled with this question until a certain lecture was presented in my Human Development course. The teacher, Larry Nelson, explained that as a child grows, or rather, as we grow, we base our worth on how others view us. For example, we say a joke and people laugh, so we determine we are funny. We say a joke that is greeted by silence, and we determine that we are not funny, and also not wanted maybe. I had never made this connection before. It was fascinating, especially as I still had this burning question of what really gave me worth. Clearly, basing my worth on others' expectations or remarks or reactions or how we felt they viewed me was an imperfect system. But it's the only system that most of us know.
When the lecture ended, I approached my professor, and after introducing myself asked him, "So, what does give us worth?" His answer was so obvious. "It is based on what God thinks of us. On His love for us. You see, your worth isn't based on a GPA or any other factors. Our worth comes from God's love for us." Wooooah. So, basically, by the mere fact that God loves me, I have worth. And a lot of it. It doesn't matter how good or terrible my grades are, if I'm unemployed or working my dream job, if I had 0 baptisms or 100, if I had lots of friends or none, many talents or klutzier than Wile E. Coyote...I have lots of worth. Because God still loves me. His love, unlike mine, is limitless...which means, my worth is also limitless. Holy smokes.
That put things in the proper perspective for me. I think this is why conceited people also drive me absolutely crazy--because they measure their worth by comparing it with those around them. I have a friend who literally almost every time I am with, will say something like, "I did great on my test--I did better than 95% of the class!" or "Well...I got a B+....it was terrible...but I still had one of the top three grades" or "I realize how attractive I am because all these girls are swarming around me!" As if all those things made him have more worth. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. Thank GOODNESS our worth isn't based on things like that...it is not based on being better than the next person in some area. If that were the case, then a lot of people are screwed over, like the ones born with mental handicaps, physical disabilities, or into a place where education and career opportunities are severely limited. We ALL are worth so much, simply because we are the children of celestial parents who infinitely love us.
So, how much are you worth?
Infinitely.
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